First comment below Billy Bragg's Graun piece today, right below this:

Without powerful unions to protect them, the wages of ordinary workers were held in check while the cost of housing began to spiral upwards. As it became increasingly difficult for first-time buyers to get on the property ladder, a newly deregulated banking sector began offering ever more "attractive" loans. And we all know where that led.

Would any of this have been different if Thatcher had lost that titanic struggle in 1984?

We have prize-winning thicko 'harryboy' with this:

If the Miner's strike was the cause of this economic crisis, doesn't it mean Arthur Scargill is the real culprit ?

Yeah, harryboy, and you know who I blame for Pinochet? That bastard Allende.

'Drinking Problems Rife in Orchestras'

Rarely has a headline seemed so mysterious, so seedy, and yet at once so ripe with promise...

Thanks to this, I'm going to be watching this over the next few days. Might be fun. Miiiiiiight be one of them interweb phenomenononons you hear so much about.

Wouldn't want to miss that...

Otter tours Scotland in postbag

Sorry to do a cute creature-feature, but it is a great headline, surely?

This week has seen a few situations where I had the opportunity to come out with some good one liners. In most of these situations I held my tongue, but a couple still got out. Here's a summary:

In a role-playing exercise in a seminar we were all given characters and fictional 'comedy' names. Mine was Doctor Pfeffer-Stephens-Feffer-Stevens. The following exchange occured when the course leader wanted to address me:
Course Leader: "Did you want to say something, Doctor ... sorry I've forgotten your name -"
Me: "Just The Doctor"

Later on we were doing a series of exercises themed around Holocaust Memorial Day. The idea was that we were all members of a development committee at Channel 4. The course leader played the role of the head of C4 and gave us all a brief to develop a landmark piece of TV based around the holocaust that would fit with the station's ethos. When she threw the it open for discussion my suggestion wasn't well received, unfortunately.

"How about Justin Lee Collins in Let's Bring Back ... Birkenau" fell on stony ground. Honestly, some people wouldn't get satire if it was tied to a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick and used to beat them unconscious.*

Out on a demo to make David Miliband and John Hutton feel the full humiliation they deserve, I found myself trying to get a posh family from a nearby mansion to sign a petition called 'End the Siege of Gaza'. They claimed to be opposed to the Israeli bombardment but wouldn't sign the petition on the basis that they didn't know what they were signing. Apparently the clear, short sentence at the top of the form and my patient explanation wasn't information. Eventually it transpired that they wouldn't sign because I was from a socialist organisation and they were, to use their own term, 'righties'.

What I said in my head:
"Great, well why don't you just wait until the Tories give a fuck about it then? I'm sure they'll be organising demos of their own momentarily."

And finally, a letter from today's Weekend Magazine:

My girlfriend reckons the Guardian is a "Trotsky paper" and has it in the house under sufferance. But when I give her the magazine to read Lucy Mangan's column, I don't get it back for at least half an hour. Is there hope for Torygirl yet?
Jon Berryman
Poulton-le-Fylde, Lancashire

No Jon, because she's clearly a fucking idiot.**

*Look, it's not holocaust humour. I don't believe that jokes about mass-extermination are funny. It's a joke about the way that Channel 4 markets its documentaries (you know, The Boy With A Goat for his Testicles) and the insanity of their promotion of Lee Collins as a 'face of the channel' (i.e. distinctive brand for this multi-channel multi-platform age) which will inevitably result in his taking part in some doc that is completely inappropriate at some point in the near future.

**Leaving aside the "Trotsky paper" cretinousness, if it takes her half an hour to read Lucy Mangan's column there's a good chance she's technically in a coma.

Overheard an ad whilst doing something more valuable to society [disgusting punchline]like giving adorable puppies Bad AIDS[/disgusting punchline]:

'... that means if you've got a pound you can get [nameless meat patty] and some change. Not much change, but some. And that's what McDonald's is all about.'

What, are they down to the work experience kid in the advertising department now?

Labradoodle puppies. Labradoodle puppies with one ear turned humourously inside out. Labradoodle puppies with one ear turned humourously inside out that keep going up to a toy with a bell in it, prodding it with their nose then running away when it makes a noise, looking confused.

Because embedding things in LJ is more of a pig than on Blogger, I'll just put the link to the post on here. Saves time.
http://leftiehippie.blogspot.com/2009/01/i-have-technolust-widget-gods-slake-my.html

Anyone in less than their mid-20s will probably not realise why this is so good, but Adam & Joe's show this week saw the return of Baaaadaaad!

Podcast here.

Nigel turns up about 35 min. in, reminiscing about meeting Coolio. I tell you what, he's still got it!

'he drove like Toad of Toad Hall'

It's a really good pod this week actually, I'd highly recommend it.

Over at Socialist Unity there's a full-scale assault underway for the moral high ground after yesterday's march. On the one hand there's a bit of anti-SWP sniping going on (surprise surprise); then there's a couple complaining that Muslims on the protest shouted Allah hu akbar (can't see the problem myself, you didn't have to join in). Then there's a great discussion about the appropriateness or otherwise of the use of comparisons to the holocaust in some placards (I saw one or possibly two of these out of thousands and thousands. Many, many more were comparing Israel to Apartheid than to the holocaust).

All these people have missed the least helpful placard of them all. I didn't have time to get a picture I'm afraid but one of the most miserable old men I've ever seen was grumping his way along at the side of the march with a placard mounted above his head that read:

'Christ alone can solve the crisis in the Middle East'.

Frankly, if anything, that seems to be a recipe to make things worse. But I'm sure you can fill in your own punchlines.

Monday 12th January, 6.00. He'll be signing copies of Necrophenia, his latest.

Those who know me will know that I went to one  of his signings a few years ago, I think it would have been for Fandom of the Operator or Dance of the Voodoo Handbag (although he signed my copy of Waiting for Godalming very graciously). He went out for a pint in the Crown Posada last time, was a very entertaining guy.

Full list of signings here.

Looks like they want to charge you £3 but then you get it back in money off the book.

Might be fun.

Can't believe this is still dragging on, but it looks like (legal issues pending) Al Franken, with a whopping majority of 225 votes, may make it to the senate after all. This is a great day for people who think Saturday Night Live is cutting edge satire everywhere.

Sadly, No! is a US blog I check out frequently but usually it's a bit too US-centric to be wholly understood by a Britisher like me. Nevertheless this is an absolute comedy gem...

'Ask a Sociopath Vice-President

Let’s give Erick some substantive questions to ask Mr. Cheney during those moments when the fluffing stops because the pain in his jaw overwhelms even the most sycophantic Viking’s resolve to pleasure mass-murdering psychopaths:

• What’s the proper time and setting for microwaving a live puppy?

• The gun, that guy’s face, you know what I’m talking about — didja do it because you were trying to help him shoo away a fly, or because you just wanted to see what it felt like to shoot somebody?

• Can you describe what an infant’s flesh actually tastes like? And don’t say “like chicken.”'

Check it out, I urge you.

Just because it's the funniest thing I've seen in a long while.* I may also have been quite bored recently.



*Note for people who don't obsessively follow the doings of St Charlie of Brooker: On the Screenwipe Xmas special, Charlie gave new names to the Gladiator's from this year's Sky revival.

A few bits today - let's start with Jean Charles de Menezes.

'He was an innocent man and we must accept full responsibility for his death,' said the Met's Commissioner.

Why bother with that, Sir Paul? I think it's quite clear the Met's responsible for his death - they shot him 7 times in the head after all. Who else was responsible - the bullet fairies? Or perhaps he suffered a fatal heart attack just seconds before he was opened fire on?

Moving on, we have a nice example of nominitive determinism - the term coined by New Scientist's Feedback section to describe the phenomenon of people whose names fit their jobs in an uncanny manner. In the row over the Government's use of incomplete knife crime statistics we find that the head of the UK Statistics Authority is called Sir Michael Scholar. The UKSA is charged with making sure that Government data is authoritative.

Changing tack again, in the wake of the rejection of the Manchester Congestion charge, here's an interesting alternative view from Complex System of Pipes from a few weeks ago.

From a commenter at Chicken Yoghurt I found this rather amusing story about a head of an investment fund with a mere 25 clients who lost $17bn by lying about how good he was:

'On Dec. 10, 2008, Madoff informed the Senior Employees, in substance, that his investment advisory business was a fraud. Madoff stated that he was "finished," that he had "absolutely nothing," that "it's all just one big lie," and that it was "basically, a giant Ponzi scheme. Madoff stated that the business was insolvent, and that it had been for years. Madoff also stated that he estimated the losses from this fraud to be at least approximately $50 billion.'

As Nelson Munz would say, Haha.


It also turns out that, according to an economist given airtime on 5 Live this afternoon that 'markets don't work efficiently'. What is the world coming to?

And finally, this laptop came with an oddly addictive tile-based game which has a marvellously poorly translated grasp of English. Here's the message you get when you complete it on the hardest setting:


I'm not sure whether to be charmed or concerned...

Finally, as soon as I finished my placement I came down with this horrible ruddy lurgy, so I will be even grumpier than usual for the next few days.

8 years ago, the American people had their democracy stolen by someone who took a shit in it, then gave it back to the grieving populace, then stole it again, whilst the world looked on. More in sadness than in anger, global civilisation said to itself, "how did they let that happen?"

I was engaging in a bit of nostalgia down at TV Go Home earlier, and I found this proof that we knew it was going to be bad before it even started:



Whatever else the New Year brings, at least that's over.

And then there's me.

But for those of you who may have missed out on this interweb gem (and so I can find it again when I want it), here's the link to Joe Cornish's alternative theme tune to

Quantum of Solace.

I enjoyed it a great deal - an early xmas pressie of a song, in a pleasant, occupies a couple of hours whilst you're waiting for everyone else in the house to wake up, stocking-filler-y kind of a way.

Update: Here's Adam's effort, which isn't quite as good musically but is possibly even funnier:

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=dOH8_Vf_xIE&feature=related

Just some random snapshots from life as it passes me by, in no particular order...

Wolf Parade are brilliant, Dag For Dag are lovely.

It can take a long time to get from Ponteland to Gateshead on a Friday afternoon.

If you put me and Mr Maru in a strange city all by ourselves, we will get horrendously drunk, eat Chinese food very messily and then I will fall asleep ridiculously early.

I have finally despatched the remaining items that connect me to my last, unhappily terminated, relationship.

With Year 11 classes, I seem to do one poor one first, then make up for it later.

It's now too icy to ride into work in the mornings - hope that doesn't last too long.

You CAN get used to 3-4 hours sleep a night, quite quickly.

The one time you don't have a Metro ticket on you is the one time you will get checked.

Using the phrase 'jet-propelled throne' in anger is exactly as funny as I'd always hoped. Still gives me a warm glow.

Anchor Steam Beer is really nice. Although, thinking about it, one bottle costs the same as 8 Ace - wonder if it's 8 times as good? Anyone got one-fort-eh-nine to find out?

I can't help but wonder how the press would have reacted if 25 years ago an opposition MP had been receiving leaked documents from a sympathetic civil servant - would there have been shouts of 'Red Menace' and mutterings about Moscow?

Yesterday's Photoshop Disaster lived up to the name.

This year's Enrazzlement calendar is out - and you get a free copy of Viz with it!

A word of advice: If you were thinking of going to see the Mighty Boosh live show, don't bother. I'm fairly sure there used to be more to the Boosh than repeating catchphrases like a drunken student. There was, you know, plot, and ideas.

This is not an exaggeration, not a word of a lie, not said even particularly out of malice: I fell asleep for most of the second half. I only woke up when my comrades walked out (and in a state of confusion I followed them, and then lost them, and got confused all over again, and went back to my seat, and thought, I'm not sitting through this again, and got up, and left).

When you leave the Metro Radio Arena, a voice recording about picking up your belongings plays over and over again on a loop. It had about as much impact as the entire show.

In summary: I honestly think that if they'd all stood on the stage and literally wanked over the audience that it would have had precisely the same effect. Still, as normalinnorfolk commented, they probably made about £200,000 from that night, so maybe they don't actually have to be any good.

Maybe it's a kind of Radiohead Kid A thing, except that instead of being experimental to lose the least sincere fanbase, they're being utterly shit to get rid of the discerning ones.

So messrs Fielding and Barratt, if you want to imagine your future, imagine this: a physics student wearing a pink swimming cap shouting 'this is an outrage!' at you. Forever.

Although both I and Maruvia have linked to Lolgriffin, you simply MUST see this...

http://lolgriffin.blogspot.com/2008/11/theres-google-maps-mashup-of-it-as-well.html

Thanks Mr Maru for the heads up!

Overheard from colleague's Year 10 lesson on Islam.
Child 1: Miss, when do they do Sawm? [fasting during Ramadan]
Teacher: it's in the Autumn
Child 2: What's Autumn?

*Things Kids Say is a wholly owned franchise of Coventrian*