In Borders yesterday they gave me a free book of extracts from crime thrillers. Looking at the back I see 6 people I've never heard of, plus Andy McNab and Frederick Forsyth. A quick glance over the first page answers a question long asked:

Just how did Richard Littlejohn learn to write in such a terrible way? What was it that made 'To Hell In A Handcart' as badly written as it was offensive?

After the documentary 'Young Nazi and Proud' a few years ago, in which we heard BNP youth leader Mark Collett's hilarious attempts at anti-semitic audiobooks ('the little blue pills. Why had he taken the little blue pills?' of multiculturalism), it seemed obvious where the sensibility for the plot had come from*. But where to go for his style?

Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you an extract from Andy McNab's 'Crossfire':

"Davy had offloaded his 175 Yamaha and gone ahead to recce the valley. He'd be back soon, unless the rebels had caught him. We'd been training Mobutu's troops against these guys, and we knew that knitting baby bootees and collecting china thimbles wasn't high on their list of favourite hobbies.
When you're up against the kind of guys who routinely machete off an entire village's lips because one of the locals has been overheard saying something not nice about the president, you know it's time to check chamber"

And that's literally the first couple of paragraphs. It's clearly a direct translation of the inner monologues of Richard Littlejohn, and probably Jeremy Kyle.

I'm Andy McNab, I'm Andy McNab, I'm Andie McDowell....


*Of course not. Littlejohn routinely says he doesn't like the BNP. He's a racist shitbag all on his own apparently, with no one influencing his thoughts other than his mad self, all alone in his Florida mansion.